Mega-Meditation

I don’t intend to blog daily, but the first day of school is tomorrow! Yes sirrrrreee, time for me to Megamode and remove myself from the couch and McDonald’s bag. Since I was a child, even when I thought I was a stupid kid, I got a little excited about school. The start of school for me has always been like most people’s New Years Eve. It was a time to start fresh. Everything is the most organized before you get to school. I really loved the back to school commercials. Remember the JC Penny and Trapper Keeper commercials? The girl with the long, flowing, blond hair looked so cool, and the captain of whatever sports team would flirt or try to steal the Trapper Keeper? I loved those commercials because I knew that this would be the year that I would magically turn into the cool, skinny, blond, funny, pulled together girl of the school with the brand name Trapper Keeper, not the dollar store knock off that I usually had to get (although once I was allowed to purchase a George Michael folder and was in heaven). Of course my back to school always started with good intentions but ended up with me 1. in trouble 2. humiliated 3. With Jell-O on my shirt (don’t ask me to explain that one).


My first New Year school goal was to decrease stress and begin exercise this morning. I turned to Exercise TV on Demand to find the perfect workout…one in which I could burn lots and lots of calories but without really moving or sweating much. I spent so much time looking at all the workouts that I actually didn’t get around to exercising but I did run across a whole series on Meditation. Many of my friends at work have suggested that I Meditate (just because I break #2 pencils and sing Vanilla Ice at random, they worry). Soooo I decided I would Meditate this morning. This is how it went:

The Stress Free Breathing began by showing a motion that would instantly relax you by closing one nostril and then the other over and over. I tried it and I almost passed out due to a lack of oxygen…soooo on to the next video Meditation for Weight Loss. The instructor then begin to explain how you should observe your food, feel the food without touching, then enjoy small tastes without sound or distraction. DO WHAT!?! You can actually taste and observe food? I thought the best part of food was the thought of the next bite while you shovel the first. And hellloooo? Do you work in an elementary school or eat with males? It’s like an Olympic event to eat and go to the bathroom in under 15 minutes! Onto the next video- Water Meditation… which requires one to relax and deep breathe to water pictures. ‘Just clear your mind and breathe in and out deeply’ (me: relaxing, breathing got it). ‘Breath in and out..Feel your mind empty’ (me: what time is it anyway? 7:00?? Holy Crap, I’ve got to get C. up?)…’feel the water wash over you’ (me: I think I have to pee)…’breath and feel your body relax’ (me: did I remember to put his daycare bag in my car? Oh man…I have to empty my mind)….’just let go and feel yourself energize for your day ahead’... (Me: empty my mind…empty my mind…what time is it? 7:01!)

Needless to say the meditation didn’t work, but I’m not going to be too hard on myself and I will try again another time. Even with past experiences, I still have hope when school starts…hope that I can help one child (or all of them) have a better year than he or she could imagine.